Multiple conversations continue to rumble and bounce off of each other as we crowd into our seats. Conscious of my elbow space, I press them in toward my ribs giving my neighbor fork-moving-room.
An intricately woven silver tablecloth drapes the table. It supports bowls of colorful salads and breads with savory surprise fillings. Yeasty aromas mingle with the acid tinge of citrus dressings.
And somewhere in the kitchen a sweet is hiding. The faint hint of roasted sugar and butter whispers through our olfactory sensors causing taste buds to tingle with anticipation.
To other English speakers at the table I simply say, “ Pass the kale salad.” In contrast, to non-english speakers, I use hand gestures and one word descriptions.
My new friend does the same. She angles her finger towards the moon shaped rolls. I reach for the doughy delights maintaining eye contact. Her eyebrows flinch together for a second. Then with a shy, subtle shake of her head she points again. Oh, it’s the sugar bowl next to it that she wants.
Conversations continue to crisscross the table.
I’ve studied the language some. But my limited comprehension cannot support a full conversation.
The English words spoken slip into my consciousness forming pictures and kindling my emotions. The other conversations, the foreign ones, fade in my hearing like background noise. They sidestep my understanding. My emotions and intellect do not engage.
I even find myself interrupting those conversations. When I catch myself, I excuse myself.
At the same time our interpreter squeezes into the far corner of the table. She scans the room with her eyes and ears attempting to interpret the meaningful dialogue.
She can’t, however, interpret everything for me all the time. Several conversations pull for her attention.
Often I wait in silence. I’ve learned to be comfortable with myself as I wait. I trust that the conversation will pick up for me again. We are still together at the table. So I rest and I process.
In the same way, learning the language of heaven can be fun and frustrating.
Body language
Body language is like life circumstances. We see God working, but don’t necessarily know what He means.
Interpreters and Translators
Speakers interpret His Word into sermons. Translators interpret His Word into books. The words of others help us understand God. But we can get closer still.
The Bible
The bible is like heaven’s foreign language study guide. The more we study it the more we comprehend God speaking into our situation. His voice no longer fades into the background. His language becomes our language. But it doesn’t stop there.
Prayer
Quiet time with God its like homework. We tune in. Life circumstances, scriptures and sermons come together to form prayers to God. He answers with understanding, peace or further directions.
Silence
But sometimes it feels like a one way conversation. My words appear to disappear into the atmosphere.
Have you ever been there?
As frustrating as it is, please don’t give up.
If you are not hearing Him now, think about the last thing He said.
Do you still need to do it? Was it a truth you need to marinate in and study some more?
Or do you need to wait and trust that He is still here? Hanging with you in the silence. Giving you room to breathe.
I struggle with wanting to know everything. Right now. I become restless and frustrated when God isn’t speaking.
But God is comfortable with silence.
He offers a calmness and confidence in the silence. Still ,I rarely find it.
Sometimes silence is exactly what we need to hear. Our brain and our hearts need a rest. We need to nuzzle into the confidence that He is still working as we recuperate.
He heard everything you said. So it’s safe to be silent with Him now, too. Breathe through the anxiety of the silence. Enjoy the promise that He is with you now. Enjoy the confidence of a God who never leaves you.
I’m learning to breathe through, too.
And if you are still waiting for an answer, the conversation isn’t over yet.
Lord, I need answers. I want answers. I’ve done everything you asked so far. I want the next direction. But for some reason, you are causing a waiting period. So I nuzzle into your heart today. Calm me here. Let my heart beat match yours. Like a child running into his mom’s arms after a long day at school, I quiet myself and lean into your hug today.
O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, Or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD From this time forth and forever. Psalm 132:1-3
Mattie Brennan says
Thanks Tara, it was just what I needed today.
I long for that secure knowledge of Him acceptance of me and to feel His love wrapped around me.
May you feel His love all day….
Tara says
Mattie, You’re the best. I write because God put it in my heart to encourage others this way. Even though I believe God is in it, its risky to put myself out there. In this learning process all my glitches still get published (yikes!). But you always send encouragement at just the right time. Thanks for putting your words up here too. xoxo